being away the whole time - short note

hey hey!! ^^

I know I am away a lot recently but it's great in a way ^^. I know it's only a short post but I just wanted to tell you I was away for a week (maybe cleo told you) and I'm back know, to be more precise since yesterday evening 10:00 pm.
Actually nothing happened, though I was in Dresde again, and in Prag and Berlin too this time. I could have visited Carrie xD
Also nothing new about my feelings etc. Will post something more at the weekend. ^^

Huging you. tokomi

total complication because of my stomach

hey you guys! ^^

how are you? well, hikari isn't that fine, I know ... with my guy it also seemes to be up and down ... sometimes he's a total mess to me, sometimes he matters, and when he does, I sometimes don't know if this are feeling for a friend or not?! Total complication, and that's all because I had stomach flu throughout infection ... something like this. was really bad! I still can't eat everything again ...

Anyway, such an illness always makes you think about things which actually seems to be clear because you've got more than enough time to kill! what do you think this back and forth of mine??? @.@

I know I am a little confused person. but plesa help out ^^. hugging you all. tokomi

@Hikari: Cheer up! We are with you, no matter what happens ^.-!

one piece left in the case of reincarnation, treason to me?

I know I haven't posted for a while.

How are you? Seeing Hikari posting again made me feel like it ^^ Well, I miss you Carriiieeeee !!! >.<

Well, even though I mentioned it in the last post, I am nearly reincarnated now ^^ nearly. What actually mean I still have got somewhat of feelings for my guy -.- even though I don't want to, I really really don't want to! Of course, I don't need him, but this doesn't mean as the same as saying I have no feelings for him ... You understand my problem? @.@

You know, when I look into his face, a chaos of feelings overcome me. Sometimes I'd wish he would have got another face back then when he started to keep the distance to me, then now there wouldn't be that problem I have now ... When I look into his face, I still remember everyhting he did to me, which means both the good and bad things, the very good one and they very bad ones. So you can say, I still have got feelings for him, after all, even though I hate him. But these feelings can't seem to eliminate the (kind of weird) feeling I have for him. Maybe that's also just the wish of being just friends with him again, even though we ARE friends again, which in reality means he does more than just say hello to me ...

My world shines brighter without that problem, without him not being near me. He's in Kansas City for one week now, yesterday they flew over to the US. It was one of my "brightest" days in school up until now ...! Well, one day doesn't prove anything, but if this does continue next week, I think the reason is clearly him! You know, I only think of him as a friend, somthing else would be treason to me!

Exept of this, I still have got the problem my mother is turtoring me when my father comes back home (sometimes he isn't at home for a week because of work)... I know she doesn't do this intentional, but she also doesn't do anyhitng to change that, which makes me kind of suffer.

I know Cleo will hate me for writing that stuff about my guy ... sometimes I have that weird feelings she keeps a distance to me these last days, since the day Greenie traveled to the US for a year. I know she doesn't understand me in the case of my guy. If she understood anyhitng wrong she should read this post now, I hope she got it now.

Hugging you all in these happy changing and awesome automn days. tokomi

glad being back

hey! ^^

well, I've got nearly just oe thing to say ... I am back ^^ *banzai* well, hope you like the new layout, but I will also change it more and more in time, but I was so tired of not writing with you guys ... *blush*

Well, recently I am over my guy now. Of course I think somewhat special of him, but I think that is because I was in love with him and had these feelings for him. Am I right ...? @.@
Also, I had some problems with my parents, they always make me down and that stuff. Today I couldn't stand it anymore and cried for nearly 1 hour ??? Well, normally I am more the type of person who's cold on the outside ... it was nearly one year ago I cried for the last time! So you can imagine.
Suggesttions what I should write about? Any wishies? ^^ maybe I'll sometimes post something imformative stuff, but up to now I think I will just post about life and conitnue one or three yokoku!s per month. You're okay with that? Carrie, did you write again @.@?

Weird and confused as always ^^ tokomi

somewhat a final goal and a reincarnation

Hey guys! ^^

How are you? Doing well? What you see at the side is one of my very new fave manga series. You may have heard of it, it's "Ciel-The Last Automn" by Ju-Yeon Rhim. Sounds in my ears very korean, and indeed, it's a manwha ^^ Is it also publishe din the US or in Spaine, Yuki and hIkari?

I'm cutting it very short today because I've only got a very short amount of time. Yesterday I was at a party of my friend who's going to US for one year, she's the one who thought she'd seen my guy with another girl. It was really fun ^^ And I didn't feel such alive and happy for a very very longtime ^^ I was able to meet Sarah and her sister, and a lot of other people who were a lot of fun ^^ Came home late, so hope you'll understand my weird english.

You may have read it in my comment yet, but I did phone my guy on wednesday. First he was really surprised and all that stuff, but then everyhitng did go very well. For more details read my comment in the last post, I'm a way too tired to write it down again ^.- Well, maybe all you guys will critize me cause I phoned him, but as I said, I wanted o make clear what things are. So, it's friendship, a somewhat close friendship and yet not. It's closer than the way I thought it to be ^^

But I think this will be all from my side towards him for a while. I will be living my life now, sometimes him passing my road as Hikari would say ^^ Sometimes maybe more ofte passing it. I've got three more year so all oppurtunities are open. These last days we did talk at school more ofte again (after me phoning him),we laugh together etc. Maybe it also has it's advatntages that we're in one class. But after all, I don't want to chase after him all the way. I'm also proud enough to say I'm living my own life. You understand me??
I'm feeling alive again. I made my peace with my decision. Right now, I'm allright (I suppose) with the new strengh from out of holidays and my frineds ^^ So maybe I was really reincarnated .... ^^
Maybe I'll post a manga yokoku the next time, found some good manga online.

Hope you'll have a good time. HUgging you all and being proud of her decision, hoping she was chosing the wright path of love. tokomi