Living Life.

Wow!

This year started like a raket trying to reach the moon with speed of light! One week of school after the ending of holiday is over, and I totally feel returned to school again ... There are several opinions about this being positive I think.
I really feel great in my school, but on the other hand I visited the favourite university I want to visit after graduation yesterday: I really mean it when I say I felt home there. It was great to see a new opportunity coming up in your life andthat there are various possibilities to live life. This is just one positive things I realized this week, I also realized some bad tings this week which I don't wanna right about here - but, seeing there are chances in life made me feel great again, really!
Hope you all know this feeling!

hydrangea.

Back again

Hello out there!

Whishing a Happy New Year to everybody! Just wanted to let you know my short rtip to Saxonia has ended yesterday due to the really bad weather in the east of Germany.
Storms, Snow in the Air etc.

Hugging you, hydrangea

Skies in winter

Today seems just to be another day, yet the sky was that wonderful blue und bright that morning. The last time I remember sunshine was about October, I suppose ... I miss those brighter days.

The wonderful snow always seems to mean a grey sky which can't really fill my mind with joy these days. Looking at it, I am quite happy when the night returns and small lights try to lighten the Christmas time.

So, my mood can't be filled with Christmas feelings today. Except of that, I feel a lot better and think my health will be at 100% again on about Monday or Tuesday.

hydrangea

feeling totally ill and blue

Well,

Christmas feelings seem to be  missing today. I was a little upset about my boyfriend treating me in a kind of harsh way when I am ill and actually need someone who comforts me - because of a big headache I feel really really dizzy.

Cause of my illness my Christmas mood is all over today. Also, my favourite auntie announced she and her family won't be with us during Christmas days because she can't come over from London. Bad mood.

hugging, hydrangea

Yokoku! as place for my creative works

Hello,

I just wanted to tell you about Yokoku!, my blogger site which was originally created for manga preview. I Think I will update this also reagulary, but it will be the place for my creative works. I think about also publishing extracts from stories I've already published at animemanga and animexx.

Hope you'll like it!

P.S. I'll also publish my creative works at times here I hink, but mizo.iro is just about ideas and feelings in generell, so feel welcome to read about the results.
P.P.S. A great thankyou to Akiyama who cheered me up so much with his last comment.

Hugging you all, Hydrangea

feeling lost and getting old

Hey friends!

I'm feeling quite weird today, perhaps it's because cleo-chan wasn't there today and I seem to get ill.
Sometimes I feel so lost in my tiny little world (even though it isn't that little at all), that I want to reject everything around me: my friends, family, boyfriend. It is feeling that uneasy I'm not even able to write something properly that I could publish on animemanga or animexx even though I was in such a creative rush when I got home.
Getting older seems to be meaning to get lost because you have more and more to do, to work or something else, but as result you have less time for yourself, to relax, or especially for friends.
Missing you guys.
Hope you read this.

Hugs, hydrangea

my little list

Hello to everyone.

Well, Christmas time has come ...!
For me, Christmas is not only time of family and friends,
snow, having acup of tea and a book in my hands ...
It is also about lists.

Lists for Santa,
Lists, with christmas presents for freinds and family,
lists of what to reach next year,
lists of wishes what you want to achieve and you wish for.

So, here it goes, my little list:

- Going to karaoke with cleo-chan (!)
- trying to work more for my stories
- staying more cool and calm (may be good for health -.-)
- wishing fpr everybody's health
- many christmas presents
- a new big bookshelf
- writing my first harry potter-fanfiction!
.
.
.
Well, the list of christmas presents I will give to my friends this year will nit be published here ^.-

Hope you also have a good time!

In a happy Christmas mood, tokomi.

time out

Hello again.

Pausing on the field of love ... what to do? Maybe you still realized I was in a melancholic mood today, well, I had a strong fight with my boyfriend yesterday and now he wants to keep a little distance.
The topic discussed was our "holiday" we wanted a do in one week. Well, due to higher costs (because of the feather his mother wants to take the train now), and due to other circumstances, p.e. I am frightened that we will have to hang around at a station at night because the train will not be able to leave, he was driving all crazy and frightening me like it was in summer, except that it is now him who seems to need a break.
Friends, I am so down to the ground, yet I don't know if it was the right decision not to go with him - I think he really hoped for a good time down there, but because of the sudden change with the train the whole plan was changed and I said "no" due to this. I so wants to travel with him, but I'm not able to and he doesn't seem to understand this. Perhaps it was wrong and I know I behaved miserbly the last weeks ... still I hope it will not turn out that we'll totally break apart.

Little wishes,

tokomi with her head a in a miserable mood.

Thinking about ...?

Hello!

Well, what am I thinking about today? Schools going normal, life seems normal ...
so, what exactly seems normal?

N ... nonverbal
O ... offensive
R ... rush
M ... mixed up
A ... all around
L ... lazy

Life seems to be everything to me and yet nothing, lice a piece of ice with inside a little pouding heart ... perheps this comparision especially because snow and winter officially started here in Germany.

Wish you a very cold a nice time,

tokomi who is thinking about life.

us, breaking apart?!

hey!

I know it is just a short note, and I know I can I get on someone's nerves so easily, but I am so worried recently. Are we breaking apart? Perhaps it is just imagination, but the idea sometimes is just coming up in my mind and I don't know what to do against it! Perhaps I'm dramatizing things, perhaps we're just getting old, turning into adults ...

Anyway, just wanted to tell you guys. It tortured me the whole weekend, I had to write it down, perhaps it will help!

*hugging you all a thousand times* tokomi

new year, collecting ideas

well, this might be shocking you guys, but here I am again!! [as I said today]

because I am able to talk to you regulary, I didn't really see sense in blogging, also maybe beacuse hikari gave up blogging, and for me she belonged to this ... well, hobby you might say. But I'll try to post regulary.

At the moment I try to collect ideas for another story I'll publish at animemanga.de. Maybe I'll write about moon boy, but staring publishing this story will take some time because those four stories I am currently writing really keep me busy enough.

will post some ideas those next times I am posting!^^

hugging you all, tokomi

having a little time

hello you guys!

Hope you're doing all well. I recently didn#t blog again last week, but it is only one day too late! *standing in proud* tHough I didn't hear anything from you, I hope Hikari isn't worried too much and you will continue posting! Don't let it trouböe you too much.

I know I am always worried about people, I hopwe you all don't mind ^-^ Recently I am knitting a scarf (is that right?!) for a frined of mine, bevause Christmas soon is coming up!

Exept of this ... nothing new -.-
Actually, I only wanted to tell you, Hikari, I am worried ... *hugging you*

*hugging you all* <.< lots of love tokomi

being new and nostolgia piling up

hey again!

I'm sorry I didn't make it till now >.< Hikari I hope you aren't too angry about my bevahiour, but I really didn't manage to post something. And in reality, there wasn't really anything to post about ... Though I know this isn't a real reason for not wirting anyhitng T_T Anyway, I hope you forgive me all.

Recently, more than one thing is worring me, including somtimes Cleo-chan or some other frinds of mine ... but mostly it is about exams. That's also one of those reasons I didn't write anything, because I am learning late till evening every day. Anyway, school's hard for me recently at least for me -.- By the way, about my guy anything's okay again; he fell in love again with another girl, and I didn't care about him anymore. We talk a little in school with each other, but that's all for now I think. I there's something, then maybe it's a fight about friendship. Also one of those things I worry about, because I don't know if this really was such a good idea.

Another thing is the nostolgia coming up since halloween ... one year back, it was the time when that guy was one of the most important persons for me. Don't worry about it, I won't fall for him again for sure, but of course, nostalgia is there. Hope you understand it!
And Hikari, I do worry about you. I did the whole time. I hope so much it wo't turn out the same way as it did with me ... Will post now once in a week or two I think!

Hugginng you all a billion times, tokomi

being away the whole time - short note

hey hey!! ^^

I know I am away a lot recently but it's great in a way ^^. I know it's only a short post but I just wanted to tell you I was away for a week (maybe cleo told you) and I'm back know, to be more precise since yesterday evening 10:00 pm.
Actually nothing happened, though I was in Dresde again, and in Prag and Berlin too this time. I could have visited Carrie xD
Also nothing new about my feelings etc. Will post something more at the weekend. ^^

Huging you. tokomi

total complication because of my stomach

hey you guys! ^^

how are you? well, hikari isn't that fine, I know ... with my guy it also seemes to be up and down ... sometimes he's a total mess to me, sometimes he matters, and when he does, I sometimes don't know if this are feeling for a friend or not?! Total complication, and that's all because I had stomach flu throughout infection ... something like this. was really bad! I still can't eat everything again ...

Anyway, such an illness always makes you think about things which actually seems to be clear because you've got more than enough time to kill! what do you think this back and forth of mine??? @.@

I know I am a little confused person. but plesa help out ^^. hugging you all. tokomi

@Hikari: Cheer up! We are with you, no matter what happens ^.-!

one piece left in the case of reincarnation, treason to me?

I know I haven't posted for a while.

How are you? Seeing Hikari posting again made me feel like it ^^ Well, I miss you Carriiieeeee !!! >.<

Well, even though I mentioned it in the last post, I am nearly reincarnated now ^^ nearly. What actually mean I still have got somewhat of feelings for my guy -.- even though I don't want to, I really really don't want to! Of course, I don't need him, but this doesn't mean as the same as saying I have no feelings for him ... You understand my problem? @.@

You know, when I look into his face, a chaos of feelings overcome me. Sometimes I'd wish he would have got another face back then when he started to keep the distance to me, then now there wouldn't be that problem I have now ... When I look into his face, I still remember everyhting he did to me, which means both the good and bad things, the very good one and they very bad ones. So you can say, I still have got feelings for him, after all, even though I hate him. But these feelings can't seem to eliminate the (kind of weird) feeling I have for him. Maybe that's also just the wish of being just friends with him again, even though we ARE friends again, which in reality means he does more than just say hello to me ...

My world shines brighter without that problem, without him not being near me. He's in Kansas City for one week now, yesterday they flew over to the US. It was one of my "brightest" days in school up until now ...! Well, one day doesn't prove anything, but if this does continue next week, I think the reason is clearly him! You know, I only think of him as a friend, somthing else would be treason to me!

Exept of this, I still have got the problem my mother is turtoring me when my father comes back home (sometimes he isn't at home for a week because of work)... I know she doesn't do this intentional, but she also doesn't do anyhitng to change that, which makes me kind of suffer.

I know Cleo will hate me for writing that stuff about my guy ... sometimes I have that weird feelings she keeps a distance to me these last days, since the day Greenie traveled to the US for a year. I know she doesn't understand me in the case of my guy. If she understood anyhitng wrong she should read this post now, I hope she got it now.

Hugging you all in these happy changing and awesome automn days. tokomi

glad being back

hey! ^^

well, I've got nearly just oe thing to say ... I am back ^^ *banzai* well, hope you like the new layout, but I will also change it more and more in time, but I was so tired of not writing with you guys ... *blush*

Well, recently I am over my guy now. Of course I think somewhat special of him, but I think that is because I was in love with him and had these feelings for him. Am I right ...? @.@
Also, I had some problems with my parents, they always make me down and that stuff. Today I couldn't stand it anymore and cried for nearly 1 hour ??? Well, normally I am more the type of person who's cold on the outside ... it was nearly one year ago I cried for the last time! So you can imagine.
Suggesttions what I should write about? Any wishies? ^^ maybe I'll sometimes post something imformative stuff, but up to now I think I will just post about life and conitnue one or three yokoku!s per month. You're okay with that? Carrie, did you write again @.@?

Weird and confused as always ^^ tokomi

somewhat a final goal and a reincarnation

Hey guys! ^^

How are you? Doing well? What you see at the side is one of my very new fave manga series. You may have heard of it, it's "Ciel-The Last Automn" by Ju-Yeon Rhim. Sounds in my ears very korean, and indeed, it's a manwha ^^ Is it also publishe din the US or in Spaine, Yuki and hIkari?

I'm cutting it very short today because I've only got a very short amount of time. Yesterday I was at a party of my friend who's going to US for one year, she's the one who thought she'd seen my guy with another girl. It was really fun ^^ And I didn't feel such alive and happy for a very very longtime ^^ I was able to meet Sarah and her sister, and a lot of other people who were a lot of fun ^^ Came home late, so hope you'll understand my weird english.

You may have read it in my comment yet, but I did phone my guy on wednesday. First he was really surprised and all that stuff, but then everyhitng did go very well. For more details read my comment in the last post, I'm a way too tired to write it down again ^.- Well, maybe all you guys will critize me cause I phoned him, but as I said, I wanted o make clear what things are. So, it's friendship, a somewhat close friendship and yet not. It's closer than the way I thought it to be ^^

But I think this will be all from my side towards him for a while. I will be living my life now, sometimes him passing my road as Hikari would say ^^ Sometimes maybe more ofte passing it. I've got three more year so all oppurtunities are open. These last days we did talk at school more ofte again (after me phoning him),we laugh together etc. Maybe it also has it's advatntages that we're in one class. But after all, I don't want to chase after him all the way. I'm also proud enough to say I'm living my own life. You understand me??
I'm feeling alive again. I made my peace with my decision. Right now, I'm allright (I suppose) with the new strengh from out of holidays and my frineds ^^ So maybe I was really reincarnated .... ^^
Maybe I'll post a manga yokoku the next time, found some good manga online.

Hope you'll have a good time. HUgging you all and being proud of her decision, hoping she was chosing the wright path of love. tokomi

returning from school

Hey guys! ^^

Hope you all had a nice day. well, actaully I thought I was too lazy to make new post out of this, but I did nevertheless ^^. Will make something like a final post at the end of my first week in school again...or tomorrow?? Wait and see ^^

Well, refering to littleCleo-chan:
Up to now, I've got 5 out of 11 classes with him, and he's, as hikari would call it, in my plod ^^ (was that right???) which actually means we're in one class.

Oh wonder, he's able to talk to me again freely !!!!!?? -.- Actually, as always, I don't know what to think of hhis behaviour. Maybe this is just going to be somehting like a school freidnship, or a real one (I "hope" not more ^^), I'll wait and see, but chances are quite good for a friendhsip again ^^

And if not, that won't be MY problem xD in a way, it's all up to him now ... By the way, a friend of mine said he should have a new girlfriend?? She thought she'd seen him with a girl in town, to vcut it short. Maybe he as, maybe not, because this friend is a type who often misunderstands things and has little wierd ways to think ^.-

Well, that's all for today. Hope you'll all read this though it's only a short post.
miss you all, tokomi

looking back but forward

Hey guys! ^^

Hope you enjoyed your holidays ... well, for litle cleo-chan and me it's the last day after all! Refering to my guy, I think my attitude changed quite during this time. As I wrote in a comment on hikari's blog, I changed "mentally". I don't think a guy as him has to be a center of my life, so my plan for this year will be to try to get closer to him again. But if he doesn't want it or as I wrote at hikari's, "cooperates", I think they're won't be any chance for me any more. So, I made my peace with that decision. You may remember, I also told you about that final-conversation-thing, which is also "part of my plan" *hoho, hoho* ^^

I'm quite curious how this will develop. But after all, I've got some other things to concentrate on. This year wil be very improtant for me, and especially physics will be important if I will be able to study Enigneering at University. To cut it short, I'll have a big goal, which I will reach not matter what. Hope with this strategy there won't be enough space to think about the ways my guy did hurt me ...

You think this okay, after all? How does everybody do? I wasn't able to go to Sarah's, as littleCleo was, because I had something like a burn-out-syndrome in combination with my stomach hurting >.> @.@ >.<

Hope to hear soon from you. tokomi