Hey again! ^^
Today again is free. (normally we haven't got that much days free in school, but the last weeks.., we'll anyway it isn't that impüortant though I'm not able to see my guy that often what's a little annoying! ><) So because of that free day again nothing new ... I didn't hear anythign new form him and don't think he'll phone me, and I won't phone HIM. ^^ So anyway, because Hikari wanted to know more about this "getting closer"-thing, today's post will be about this topic. You know that's somewhat the whole confusing part about our realtionship. My guy, me and two very close friends who were going out (in a way) of ours often meet up together during that time, and according to them it really seemed we were also going out. But in fact, we weren't. It just happened we acted that way, also when we were alone, especially when we were alone. Of course, it wasn't about kissing - that would have been a clear sign we were going out. Our acting seemed so natually to me (I can't speak for my guy in that case, especially not after his comment yesterday...), it just developped like this. And then after a time of maybe 1 and a half month behaving like that, especially in private, he said he had falle in love again with another girl. And just this very moment I notitecd for the first time how jealous I was, I felt so bad, and of course he noticed (I told you about hsi talent to notice my feelings before telling him).
At first, I didn't identify this bad feeling as jealousy, just with the help of my friends because I also had some porblems with my parents during that time so I thought at first they were the trigger. But in fact, they weren't.
After that, our relationship cooled down a little though it was just that little it was only me who noticed at first, it was mainly because my guy was chatting with his new love of course etc. And of course, I didn't stop him. Why should I have done this? In fact, I supported him as good as I could because I wanted him to be happy. And I was too confused about my feelings for him, I tried to behave as I did before, but of ourse my guy noticed so there was no other chance but to talk this out with him, but the conversation was just about my feelings. Even then I hadn't any idea he could have been in love with me. But after yesterday, I'm not quite sure about this anymore...
The rumors at school about the two of us going out still continued, bit in fact the two of us had never mentioned to go out. In spite of that me really did behave the way he acts around the girl he gets a crush on, because I saw it one time (this was enough for me) but I also know from him describing his "meetings". Maybe he also wasn't quite sure whether he was in love with me because normally when he has a crush on a girl he crushes on her the very first momet he meets her. But with me it was different, he knew me for a longer time...
Today, and after having a girlfriend for nearly 1 and a half month (it wasn't that girl I mentioned above), a time when I nearly didn't phone him and we nearly didn't talk though we did somehow, now after breaking up with her he acts again like he did before, though I can't tell you whether he acts this close again because we weren't able to meet up properly again. I just seems to be about a close friendship again, we nearly phone each other once or twice a week.
For now, when I'm guessing right about the close friendship it's okay for me because it really hurt me very much when he didn't talk to me porperbly, though this ignoring was not only about me it was about his whole environment, I told you guys. And that's also why I'm still a little confused and don't know what to do because I don't know what he thinks about ur relationship though I guess (you know that I'm right most times ^^) with a chance of nearly 60-70% isn't about love. Anyway, I still don't know till today wether he really loved me probperly, I don't kow till today what my weird feelings for him mean: Yes, I'm somehwat jeaulous because I want to get back to the time we were ther for each other when we needed it, and could speak open and freely, but it's not that I'm the type of person who really wants a boyfriend ^^
So what do you think about this whole confusing thing?
This post it getting too long maybe the next one also will be about his feelings for me, I'm depending this on your comments about this one. Hope you have a nice time! ^^
tokomi
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4 Kommentare:
Ehehe ^^ I'm from germany.
you don't have to go to school today? lol me too.
How were you two acting? I mean what did you do, so that the people thought you were going out. Does he act that way around his girlfriend too?
So he did notice you were jealous? Didn't he say anything about it you being jealous? When you guys talked about your feelings.. what did you say back then?
You see, I mean that. Maybe he fell in love with you but he didn't realize that, cause youw ere alays there for him and his best friend. Maybe he didn't hink of you as a girl, he could fall in love with. SO he wasn't sue about his feelings. As I said there are people, who think they are in love but they aren't.. they realize after a long time that they are actually in love with the best friend.. or something ^^
"In spite of that me really did behave the way he acts around the girl he gets a crush on, because I saw it one time (this was enough for me) but I also know from him describing his "meetings"" I don't really get that part ...
Of course you can#t be sure what he thinks about you. You can just try to find it out. Why don't you phone him... and ask him? seriously.. ask him what he meant by saying that back then, you know, that comment of him.. you should let him know how you feel, and that it bothers you. maybe ask him if he has a new girlfriend if he really does love her? or.. that you hope he won't ignore you again like the last time, because you don't like it or something..
Carrie
Now I hope I am able to answer all your qestion Carrie...
LOL YOU'RE FROM GERMANY ?!
^^ And I was womdering why I get answers all the morning ^^ lol that's why you knew about the "Pfingstferien". What part of Germany are you from? (Your english isn't that bad either thank you^^)
Yeah, now to your qestions:
1st: How were you two acting?
Maybe I am a little old-fashioned, but imagine this scene: Your alone in his room, lying on his bed because you're cold (in winter) and going to watch a film with him. Normally, friends would keep a little distants between each other, even when you're with a guy friend; So do I normally when I am with a guy friend of mine. But in fact, he didn't keep that distance, to cut it a little short. And he did this for nearly 1 1/2 months, and especially this cooled down a little.
2nd: Why did people thought you were going out?
People in school and in generell know me as a person who doesn't meet up with sb spontaneously ^^ and that often as we did. I am also not the type who jsut sits at hime, but my parents are quite strict I am not able to meet that freely. Because this was such a contast, sb spread rumors about the two of us maybe going out... *gr remembering*
3rd: Does he act that way his girlfriend too?
In fact, he is in love again, but currently doesn't have a girlfriend . And in fact, I don't know how he acted around his girlfriend and I didn't want to.But of yourse he told me a little doing this and that and it sounded exactly like our behaviour. But I was with him and another bunch of friends when a "group dating" where I saw him acting around a girl he had a crush on. So in this case, I knew exactly ... but as you said Carrie, you have to differ between me and this other girls because I'm not exactly his "best friend" (sometimes I am a little too precised about this) but I am one of his most closest friends (he told me). I don't know what his definition of a "best friend" is, sure he hasn't one ^^ so you can say he has a bunch of "best friends", I am part of this.
4th: Did he notice you were jealous? Didn't he say anything about it you being jealous?
I don't know exactly because he didn't whether he did identify my jealousy, but he said he we talked about my feelings because he thought I acted somekind of strange; and of course, I didn't clearly show my jealousy, I myself didn't knew I was; today I know: When I am jealous; I am simply feeling bad. I am not the type who gets jealous that easily, so how should he have known? He mentioned it later somehow in joke, so I don't know whether he was serious about this or not.
5th: When you guys talked about your feelings.. what did you say back then?
Well, I just told him how I felt - bad ^^ I told him it might be because of my parents, and it also might be because of him being i love. Bad I don't exactly remember what he was saying, but of course he said he had no feelings for me, and he had no intend to give up on this girl just because of jealousy (this wasn't about me but another girl). Of which I knew it was true because he is stubborn and had told me before he had fallen in love with another girl again. I am questioning myself about the part before, when he wasn't in love with another girl and acted that way around me...?
So hopes this answered your questions...Hopes this also answeres the part you didn't understand. And because of the current sitaution (just got back to talking properly, and he again in love focusing on sb else and not his friends) I am not sure to tell him this. Maybe I should when I exactly know he isn't in love.
Whaa, I should imporve short posting. For a new regular blog entry I am still waiting hikari to reply.
tokomi
p.s. Carrie you know why I don't wanna become his girlfriend? When he broke up with her, he said somehitng about he doesn't want to meet her ever again, and the way he atlks about her now ... imagining he would talk that way about me, I don#t want this, so I am frightened of moving forward or back.
Yes, I'm also from Germany xDD
Uhm.. From Berlin lol
And you?
Okay, thanks for answering all my questions. i know, it was a lot ^^
So.. You might be right, normally friends would keep a distance..
Well, as for me I don't really keep that distance with guy friends. I actually have never thought about it, maybe i am just the type of person who is pretty open-minded, means I don't really care whether it is a boy or girl... Maybe that is a mistake?
So we don't keep distance, but I don't lie on their bed when watching a film together xD
hm.. What else.. Ah so you guys did act like a couple..
And he is just in love with ehr but not going out (yet). Alright, can you tell me who he had a crush on already? I mean: Was it one of your friends, someone you know or some complete stranger? Because he must have met them somewhere right? But... Well, i don't know whtether you know this because you do live in another country..
Yep Yep, you are different from his girlfriends except when he went out with a girl who was a very close friend of him too...
if that is the case, how does he treat her now?
So he said he has no ffelings for you and stuff..and that he doesn#t intend to give up.. Didn't you feel anything when he told you that O_O?
About your P.S:
So that's why.. I understand now, sorry I didn't know that. so he does talk bad about his ex-girlfreinds.. That would be hard though if he would talk about you like that. That's why I asked you whether the girl he went out with were some of his close friends or not. Because he might won't treat you that way, because you ARE one of his closest friends.. but it is risky though. nevertheless.. If you don#t say anything, nothing will change, he will see you as a close friend (I know that is good..) and he will hurt you with having other girlfriends... Did you get my point... >_< Of course you don't want to lose him, but do you want to always stay that way?
Carrie
Hey Tokomi,
I know I'm not meant to enter your conversations, but It's because of this "Don't want to be his girlfriend" thing! I can really understand why you are feeling this way because -as you know- between me and my ex-boyfriend it isn't easy at the moment. Sometimes I'm also wondering why I got together with him. I mean After this Chris-story I didn't want something like that to happen again, but it happened. I'm always losing my bestfriends because of "love". I'm really happy to have you as a good friend and I'm happy that you gave me your blog-adress (?) because it shows me that you somehow do trust me although I'm often not sure about it. Thank you!!
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