having a little time

hello you guys!

Hope you're doing all well. I recently didn#t blog again last week, but it is only one day too late! *standing in proud* tHough I didn't hear anything from you, I hope Hikari isn't worried too much and you will continue posting! Don't let it trouböe you too much.

I know I am always worried about people, I hopwe you all don't mind ^-^ Recently I am knitting a scarf (is that right?!) for a frined of mine, bevause Christmas soon is coming up!

Exept of this ... nothing new -.-
Actually, I only wanted to tell you, Hikari, I am worried ... *hugging you*

*hugging you all* <.< lots of love tokomi

being new and nostolgia piling up

hey again!

I'm sorry I didn't make it till now >.< Hikari I hope you aren't too angry about my bevahiour, but I really didn't manage to post something. And in reality, there wasn't really anything to post about ... Though I know this isn't a real reason for not wirting anyhitng T_T Anyway, I hope you forgive me all.

Recently, more than one thing is worring me, including somtimes Cleo-chan or some other frinds of mine ... but mostly it is about exams. That's also one of those reasons I didn't write anything, because I am learning late till evening every day. Anyway, school's hard for me recently at least for me -.- By the way, about my guy anything's okay again; he fell in love again with another girl, and I didn't care about him anymore. We talk a little in school with each other, but that's all for now I think. I there's something, then maybe it's a fight about friendship. Also one of those things I worry about, because I don't know if this really was such a good idea.

Another thing is the nostolgia coming up since halloween ... one year back, it was the time when that guy was one of the most important persons for me. Don't worry about it, I won't fall for him again for sure, but of course, nostalgia is there. Hope you understand it!
And Hikari, I do worry about you. I did the whole time. I hope so much it wo't turn out the same way as it did with me ... Will post now once in a week or two I think!

Hugginng you all a billion times, tokomi

being away the whole time - short note

hey hey!! ^^

I know I am away a lot recently but it's great in a way ^^. I know it's only a short post but I just wanted to tell you I was away for a week (maybe cleo told you) and I'm back know, to be more precise since yesterday evening 10:00 pm.
Actually nothing happened, though I was in Dresde again, and in Prag and Berlin too this time. I could have visited Carrie xD
Also nothing new about my feelings etc. Will post something more at the weekend. ^^

Huging you. tokomi

total complication because of my stomach

hey you guys! ^^

how are you? well, hikari isn't that fine, I know ... with my guy it also seemes to be up and down ... sometimes he's a total mess to me, sometimes he matters, and when he does, I sometimes don't know if this are feeling for a friend or not?! Total complication, and that's all because I had stomach flu throughout infection ... something like this. was really bad! I still can't eat everything again ...

Anyway, such an illness always makes you think about things which actually seems to be clear because you've got more than enough time to kill! what do you think this back and forth of mine??? @.@

I know I am a little confused person. but plesa help out ^^. hugging you all. tokomi

@Hikari: Cheer up! We are with you, no matter what happens ^.-!

one piece left in the case of reincarnation, treason to me?

I know I haven't posted for a while.

How are you? Seeing Hikari posting again made me feel like it ^^ Well, I miss you Carriiieeeee !!! >.<

Well, even though I mentioned it in the last post, I am nearly reincarnated now ^^ nearly. What actually mean I still have got somewhat of feelings for my guy -.- even though I don't want to, I really really don't want to! Of course, I don't need him, but this doesn't mean as the same as saying I have no feelings for him ... You understand my problem? @.@

You know, when I look into his face, a chaos of feelings overcome me. Sometimes I'd wish he would have got another face back then when he started to keep the distance to me, then now there wouldn't be that problem I have now ... When I look into his face, I still remember everyhting he did to me, which means both the good and bad things, the very good one and they very bad ones. So you can say, I still have got feelings for him, after all, even though I hate him. But these feelings can't seem to eliminate the (kind of weird) feeling I have for him. Maybe that's also just the wish of being just friends with him again, even though we ARE friends again, which in reality means he does more than just say hello to me ...

My world shines brighter without that problem, without him not being near me. He's in Kansas City for one week now, yesterday they flew over to the US. It was one of my "brightest" days in school up until now ...! Well, one day doesn't prove anything, but if this does continue next week, I think the reason is clearly him! You know, I only think of him as a friend, somthing else would be treason to me!

Exept of this, I still have got the problem my mother is turtoring me when my father comes back home (sometimes he isn't at home for a week because of work)... I know she doesn't do this intentional, but she also doesn't do anyhitng to change that, which makes me kind of suffer.

I know Cleo will hate me for writing that stuff about my guy ... sometimes I have that weird feelings she keeps a distance to me these last days, since the day Greenie traveled to the US for a year. I know she doesn't understand me in the case of my guy. If she understood anyhitng wrong she should read this post now, I hope she got it now.

Hugging you all in these happy changing and awesome automn days. tokomi

glad being back

hey! ^^

well, I've got nearly just oe thing to say ... I am back ^^ *banzai* well, hope you like the new layout, but I will also change it more and more in time, but I was so tired of not writing with you guys ... *blush*

Well, recently I am over my guy now. Of course I think somewhat special of him, but I think that is because I was in love with him and had these feelings for him. Am I right ...? @.@
Also, I had some problems with my parents, they always make me down and that stuff. Today I couldn't stand it anymore and cried for nearly 1 hour ??? Well, normally I am more the type of person who's cold on the outside ... it was nearly one year ago I cried for the last time! So you can imagine.
Suggesttions what I should write about? Any wishies? ^^ maybe I'll sometimes post something imformative stuff, but up to now I think I will just post about life and conitnue one or three yokoku!s per month. You're okay with that? Carrie, did you write again @.@?

Weird and confused as always ^^ tokomi

somewhat a final goal and a reincarnation

Hey guys! ^^

How are you? Doing well? What you see at the side is one of my very new fave manga series. You may have heard of it, it's "Ciel-The Last Automn" by Ju-Yeon Rhim. Sounds in my ears very korean, and indeed, it's a manwha ^^ Is it also publishe din the US or in Spaine, Yuki and hIkari?

I'm cutting it very short today because I've only got a very short amount of time. Yesterday I was at a party of my friend who's going to US for one year, she's the one who thought she'd seen my guy with another girl. It was really fun ^^ And I didn't feel such alive and happy for a very very longtime ^^ I was able to meet Sarah and her sister, and a lot of other people who were a lot of fun ^^ Came home late, so hope you'll understand my weird english.

You may have read it in my comment yet, but I did phone my guy on wednesday. First he was really surprised and all that stuff, but then everyhitng did go very well. For more details read my comment in the last post, I'm a way too tired to write it down again ^.- Well, maybe all you guys will critize me cause I phoned him, but as I said, I wanted o make clear what things are. So, it's friendship, a somewhat close friendship and yet not. It's closer than the way I thought it to be ^^

But I think this will be all from my side towards him for a while. I will be living my life now, sometimes him passing my road as Hikari would say ^^ Sometimes maybe more ofte passing it. I've got three more year so all oppurtunities are open. These last days we did talk at school more ofte again (after me phoning him),we laugh together etc. Maybe it also has it's advatntages that we're in one class. But after all, I don't want to chase after him all the way. I'm also proud enough to say I'm living my own life. You understand me??
I'm feeling alive again. I made my peace with my decision. Right now, I'm allright (I suppose) with the new strengh from out of holidays and my frineds ^^ So maybe I was really reincarnated .... ^^
Maybe I'll post a manga yokoku the next time, found some good manga online.

Hope you'll have a good time. HUgging you all and being proud of her decision, hoping she was chosing the wright path of love. tokomi

returning from school

Hey guys! ^^

Hope you all had a nice day. well, actaully I thought I was too lazy to make new post out of this, but I did nevertheless ^^. Will make something like a final post at the end of my first week in school again...or tomorrow?? Wait and see ^^

Well, refering to littleCleo-chan:
Up to now, I've got 5 out of 11 classes with him, and he's, as hikari would call it, in my plod ^^ (was that right???) which actually means we're in one class.

Oh wonder, he's able to talk to me again freely !!!!!?? -.- Actually, as always, I don't know what to think of hhis behaviour. Maybe this is just going to be somehting like a school freidnship, or a real one (I "hope" not more ^^), I'll wait and see, but chances are quite good for a friendhsip again ^^

And if not, that won't be MY problem xD in a way, it's all up to him now ... By the way, a friend of mine said he should have a new girlfriend?? She thought she'd seen him with a girl in town, to vcut it short. Maybe he as, maybe not, because this friend is a type who often misunderstands things and has little wierd ways to think ^.-

Well, that's all for today. Hope you'll all read this though it's only a short post.
miss you all, tokomi

looking back but forward

Hey guys! ^^

Hope you enjoyed your holidays ... well, for litle cleo-chan and me it's the last day after all! Refering to my guy, I think my attitude changed quite during this time. As I wrote in a comment on hikari's blog, I changed "mentally". I don't think a guy as him has to be a center of my life, so my plan for this year will be to try to get closer to him again. But if he doesn't want it or as I wrote at hikari's, "cooperates", I think they're won't be any chance for me any more. So, I made my peace with that decision. You may remember, I also told you about that final-conversation-thing, which is also "part of my plan" *hoho, hoho* ^^

I'm quite curious how this will develop. But after all, I've got some other things to concentrate on. This year wil be very improtant for me, and especially physics will be important if I will be able to study Enigneering at University. To cut it short, I'll have a big goal, which I will reach not matter what. Hope with this strategy there won't be enough space to think about the ways my guy did hurt me ...

You think this okay, after all? How does everybody do? I wasn't able to go to Sarah's, as littleCleo was, because I had something like a burn-out-syndrome in combination with my stomach hurting >.> @.@ >.<

Hope to hear soon from you. tokomi

sometimes a (little) deadlock in the case of (new) self-confidence

Hey, hope you had a nice time! ^^

well, the photo at the right is mery very fave scene in fullmoon, where she realizes what it means to live ^^ In germany they wrote as translation "the wind to my new self" In particular, it mainly is like me in my current situation.
to cut it short: the reason for me posting again: yesterday I was at a party of a friend of littleCleo and mine who will be going to California in an exchange for one year. You may not know, but she was the friend who is in one class with my guy's ex-girlfriend.

I didn't get it at first, but then I saw some photos which her classmates gave my friend as a present. And on one photo, there was a girl who looked exactly like the one on the photos of which I knew that they showed his ex-girlfriend. So after all, (I am quite sure about it though I didn't ask) that his ex was there yesterday. -.- After all, personally, to cut it short, I don't like her! For me, she's too self-centered, doesn't care what other would like to do, is too fancy-natty (hope this makes clear what I want to express) Of course, I can#t really tell what she's like after just one evening, but that's my first imperssion.

Well, in that part of being self-centered she's totally the same as my guy, but even worse! >.<>.< ! By the way, little cleo yesterday told me he had a new icq-number, and added her but didn't add me (till now?). Another point which hit me a little.

So actually, I seem to have a (little big) lack of self-confidendce. Just wanted to inform you, after all ^^

Hope you'll help a little out. tokomi

P.S. hikari what was the matter about Ty? And id you get it about that html-thing? Will post for your birthday later >.-- (Though it's a little late then.) Hope you enjoyed your birthday ^^ HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! *waaaa* ^^ *banzai*

Yokoku! 7th PERIOD IS A SECRET

Hey guys! ^^

How do you do? I don't know, but yet Hikari and Carrie seemed to be lost these last days >< ><

--Where are you??? Please post more, or write into your blog. I don't use ICQ in the evenings currently, so it's very difficult for me to stay in contact with you, Hikari. But Carrie really has been lost for a very long time now! --

Well, todays my mum's birthday, we have wonderful weather here in Germany, our garden seems to be blooming in full-blossom (remembering Hana-Kimi *grin* ^^) have a look at the photo. Just wanted to share with you ^^ Gardening is a lot of hard work, but seeing all these flowers and berry plants blooming makes me proud of it ^^. Today, after doing all the house-cleaning and gardening for my mum (her birthday's always a day of relaxing for her... yet not for me ^^ -.-;), I will be lying in the sun, read manga, do a little physics and except of this, do nothing ^^

Also, oh wonder ^^ ... heard nothing of my guy. Yesterday I recived an anonymous call, but I don't think it was him. Would be like heaven ^^ But it wouldn't fit into his behaviour of the last 4 weeks -.-; As you see I am yet hopefull, but also a little sarcastic about him. Wait and see till school starts, then I think I'll have to post daily again ^^ *yippie*

So, as the title said, I wanted to show you another series. I decided just to publish manga which also can be read online, so you don't have to register or anything just to download and read it, like it was with Sasameke. Hope you like this one and this solution.

This one is a short series (3 chapters) by CHIBA KAZUE, I think 24 Colors which was edited by Nagareboshi, was also from her, and onther one which was published there. (I don't remember that name properly *blush*) It's a little dramatic, But I like it so much ...! ^^ ^^ ^^ *waaaaa* ^^ So, you may just have a look. Also a longer preview this time. ^^Please leave comments if you like this one:

7th Period Is A Secret

[scanlated by: Serenus Dreamers Scanlation Group http://www.serenus-dreamers.com/blog/archives/57

hosted and free online read by: OneManga http://www.onemanga.com/7th_Period_is_a_Secret/ ]

• Author: Chiba Kazoue
• Summary: [by Serenus-Dreamers] Shun is a girl who used to be shy and gloomy. Wanting to change, she transforms herself into a bright girl when her family transfers into a new place. Hoping to fit in, she laughs and smile at everything agreeing with everyone. She starts to fear that her young teacher is seeing right through her. Is she just imagining, or is it true---?
• Preview:

So, hope you liked this one. Chiba Kazoue and especially this story is one of my very fave. Hikari and Carrie and also Yukii, whatever happened to you, please contact ><. Hope to have cheered everybody a little up who's been a little worried, tired, or feared, for what reasons ever.

Hope to hear from you. *hug**kiss* tokomi

EDIT. sry, but I don't get the preview started properly ><><><. sometimes I am such a nuissance ... *walking back into shadows and disapperaing* *sniff* you may just read it on onemanga up to the point I've fixed it, please comment about this story ><>

again returning from short holidays! new self-confidence, ice-cream and culture

Hey you guys ^^

Missed me? hehe *grin* ^^. Well, I'm back from Dresde, hope Hikari you know that city. (You might look it up somewhere, it's in the east of Germany)...

Well, actually I just wanted to say I'm back ^^ Dresde was wonderful. I don't know any city which has got better ice-cream shops (have a look at the photo.) This time, we visited some old treasury of old Saxon's King August the Strong. You may heard of this. It was wonderful. amazing. Seeing all these treasures, I can only say "wow" Have a look at the other picture, it's one atractions there. (Of course fotography wasn't allowed, but nevertheless I wanted to show you. found this online.) Maybe I'll post something more about it, when you're interested in Dresde. Just leave a comment.

About my guy, nothing new. On icq I saw that he was online, though I didn't message him. He doesn't phone me either, though he knows I'm back *sniff* You know, actually, though he's been a very self-centered idiot lately (from my point of view) I am nevertheless hopeless in love with him -.- I really really really tried to change, but I can't handle that. I hurts too much. Maybe I should just have something like a final conversation after the holidays with him, in the case he continues to ignore me. Maybe that would help what do you think?

You know, I know he has no feelings for me (not at the moment hehe ^^) but I made my peace with that. And that's what changed in me during the last month we didn't talk to each other. So although he maybe doesn't love me, I am in love with him, and I can handle that. So you might say, it's a one-sided love, but it is love. And love always has at least a little beautiful side. ^^

Though I don't know what will be after holidays, I know will continue blogging here, help you guys out as much as I can. Because I don't wanna miss writing to you, it has become a steady part of my life which I need to feel good and happy ^^

You see, holidays always make me a little thinking ^^

Please leave LOTS of comments about that final conversation-thing. And please tell me if you want me to post about Dresde or not.

Hugging you all ^^ tokomi

being a total blast

hey guys -.-

I'm quite confused today and a total blast. Sure you all know that feeling of getting nothing started ... GAAHHHH!! Then I've also got my stomach upset again, which is also quite annoying. Then third things, if things are normal, my guy had to return from holidays tomorrow. Great my family decided to leave for another 5 day-trip to the east of Germany next week. That#s a very single situation I'm glad about it.

What would you do? I'm driving myself crazy about this @.@ @.@ And Hikari, what's the matter with that message? *totally confused*

Hope you had a better day than I had ^^ tokomi

Yokoku! SASAMEKE

hey guys!
As you may have read, I was wondering if I was able to publish something other than only my problems, because I wanted to ahve you a little fun. Because I don't find it neccessary to discuss with you about something from Nagareboshi, I thought I may show you what I am currently reading and what I want to share with you.

Underneath, you'll always find a short summary and then some preview pages (don't worry I asked for permission first ^^). Today's first will be about Sasameke, which has an amazing artwork, at least in my opinion. It's a little about soccer, but not all the time, hope you don't mind. ^^
I think it's a somewhat quiet, but yet amazing manga. It isn't a manga which you want to continue at first, but you HAVE to read on. I mainly like the kind of plot and artwork. I haven't read so far I can say something about the story (at least not that much ;) ) So here we go!

SASAMEKE
[from Hanashi Scanlation Group http://www.hanashi.org/?q=node/20 ]

• Author: Gotsubo Ryuji
• Summary: Rakuichi was a better soccer player than anyone when he was in elementary school. But after 3 unsuccessful years in Italy, he returns home in defeat. Upon arrival he's confronted by a host of different characters. His cousin Biwako who is now a teacher despite her uncontrollable personality. His childhood friend Inae who is cute and nice but who turns into a crazed stalker when it comes to cool, attractive guys. Touzan who is cool, mysterious and seems to be good at everything. And Maiko, who is incredibly beautiful but turns violent on the slightest whim.
• Preview:
  I left a few pages out [...] -.-
  
  
  
  You may leave a comment or not, just do as you please.

Hope you like this kind, it's just a try! ^^ @ Hikari: Hope to cheer you a little up (at least!). Hug you all. tokomi

back with new identity ...? thinking about live itself

hey guys ^^

sunny greeting from the small, cute and little stormy Denmark! I had an unexpected warm holiday with unexpected lots of fun ... and action -.- normally I have holidays to realx at least a little ... But it was fun anyway, so I relaxed at least somewhat, so I'm okay with it! ^.^

What you see there, indeed is a fish ^^ it's called a "moonfish" and somewhat is a mix of a submarine boat and a turtle. Quite a funny thing. ^^ Made this in an ocean museum.

I'll post more pictures, but there still on my camera so you have to be a little patient ^^ ...

You may read it out of the context or heard it from little Cleo-chan, but I'm happy and relaxed and have a lot of new self-confidence and "strengh" ^^ So it's really somewhat a (completely) new person you're talking to. Nevertheless, of course I kept thinking about my guy, but not too hard because there would be no result in it. Anyway, my friend and me found some good-looking Denish guys ^^*hehe* But of course it was somewhat impossible to make contact with them because they all didn't live in our neighbourhood and mostly we meet them by chance on a specific sightseeing-trip. But it was somewhat good for my self-confidence to have that my friend sometimes told me this or that guy over there at the corner woud stare at me since we entered the shop! ^^ *grin* Of course, this doesn't have to do with love or anything else, but it's summer and in summer vacation and free time, in another country you can even break a window and nobody would realize it was you, the foreigner. It was months ago I really felt that relieved and was able to do and to act the way I AM. And I really try to continue this here back in germany. Yet I can't really tell, I think I'm doing quite well with this.

It's not that I didn't miss my guy or something, of course I do. But with him just sitting around, and, while talking to little Cleo-chan, not even informing himself a little about me, if I was well or perhaps if Cleo-chan heard something from me - this is somewhat getting me a little upset. It's horrible, he even seems to have forgotten about our friendship. But what the H*** have I done?! ><

It makes me somewhat sad, but this holiday made me somwhat realize that there's no way out of it. You can't turn back to the old times, things will always be different, and change. We change, with every minute in our lives.

You see it were somewhat also philosophical holidays -.- Do you aggree with me in not phoning or conntacting him for 6 weeks now? Or shall I do something? What would you do?

@.@ waaaa. Even with a lot of new sel-confidence, I still seem to be a very confused person ^^ (Some parts never or just slowy seem to change ^^)

Glad I'm back home with you all ^^ *hugging mina-san ^^* tokomi

P.S. These next days, I think I'll post something about a manga called "Samameke", it's a little about soccer, hope you don't mind ;) Well, I think this manga thing will be something like a manga preview -.-? Perhaps, don't know yet. But I think I'll publish a little reading preview added to a summary ... sth. like this. Hope you like this idea ^^ If not, please make a few suggestions. Would be glad if you would leave some comment to this then. ^^ Have a good time. tokomi

free time! countdown for holidays

Hey guys! ^^

Sry I didn't comment, but I thought about my guy, me and my whole situation a little much the last time -.- so I didn't feel like posting or leaving comments ....! So don't worry but I am still alive (I am glad Carrie is ^^)

Well, after all this weird acting of my guy continued, a friend of mine and his also said he's rreally acting weird, crazy and provokes people all the time. Then he came up with that holiday-thing when he isn't able to meet me; he didn't phone again though he promised to; and finally, when some friends of mine and me where sitting in an ice cream parlour to celebrate the starting vacation of 6 weeks a little, he came along with some other friends of his. He didn't even greet me (nor little Cleo), though he only talked to the Greenie a little ...

What do you think of this?! Yet he says our friendship is so important to him etc., he doesn't even greet me?! You maybe call me mad, but I AM actually! ^^ I think it's best to wait till next year starts, or you think I shall phone him after my two weeks in Denmark?

After all, I think I also need this break a little, but anyway do you think I am doing right or wrong?
----
Yeah, Denmark: We're staring tomorrow. I think little Cleo will keep you all a little posted about me anyway ;) yet I am driving there with my parents and another good friend of mine ^^ I'll post immediately when I am back, and then also start that about manga, didn't come up to that till now, sry...

^^ Leave a LOT of comment while I am not here. but maybe here's internet somehwre so I'll be able to post!! Wait and see ^^ See ya. tokomi

behaviour sometimes somewhat weird yet not

Hey, it's a little late ^^

*yawn* I'm quite tired from tang-Soo-Do, it was our final training before our summer break. So maybe you can imagine ... *eyes closing* ! ... how tired I'm actually am. -.-

So now refering to my guy: I'm vutting it a little short, please leave questions about it if there are any I'll post asap. After all, he's very introverted these last days before vacation. And he told me he's very busy execpt of one week where he wants to meet all the other people he had asked before. And finally, he told me it's very important to meet up with that girl again of which I thought he maybe had a crush on, but now I'm really sure about ir, or am I wrong?! ><
Well, actually I won't be able to see my guy for nearly two months now. What would you do, stay in contact with him or not? And if, how to??

On the side,he seems to care about me more than normal, he helped me a lot these last days cause I had some problems with my family etc. Also we talk a little more on the phone, but this doesn't erase the fact we're going to be able to meet. And that's making me uite sad, actually. (That's normal??!! >< *confused*) Sry, but I don't think I'll write the conversatio down cause don't remember it properly so this wouldn't be such a good idea.

Hoping for you to post ideas about my guy, his character/behaviour and my "how-to-behave"-thing ^^ soon, because it somewhat really drives me crazy, yet I'm doing a trip on Tuesday together with his class, but I actually don't think we'll do this much together.

Confused, worried, frustrated, angry, a little tired yet at least a litte happy
and waitng for all you to comment. tokomi

P.S. Next week, I'll release the first of a (up to now) weekly manga discussion, about unknow and well kwon mangas. Feel free to make suggestions if you like to.

Unsureness is the worse thing ever

Sry,

hey guys, this gonna be a really short post because I'm really tired of school. Tomorrow is free, you think I should phone my guy tomorrow or wait until he'll phone (also because he has stressed week ??)?

After all, today nothing really happened expect of the fact my best freidn really is acting strange ... today seemed to have been one of his worse days. He just never spoke to anyone and argued about any detail with anyone. Really strange, this normally isn't his style, another friend of mine who is in his class also worried a little. And him seeing acting this way really makes me worry a little ... you think something special might have happened @.@ (all dizzy)? or shal I ask him...?

As you see, I'm after all so unsure how to behave, it droves me crazy, and this mainly because I have the bad feeling my guy is avoiding me or hiding sth. from me yet there isn't any reason. You think I'm just exagerating?
Please help me out, this really sucks and I can't get it out of my mind!! ><>< ^^

So please comment. tokomi

suspiciousness seems to be a crap

Hey guys,

sry for posting not right away, but I was a little too busy ^^ I think and try to post more often again though I think I too phone my guy more often.

Anyway, we talked for hours again yesterday, and of course I was like always so relieved to hear his voice. But the more I hear his voice, talk to or about him or see him at school, I want to meet up with him properly again. Yet I don't know why, but I'm not satisfied with just phoning him or he phoning me any longer, I (at least ;) ) want to return somewhat to our old friendship and the "warmth" beween us. (I think all you guys know what I mean don't you? ><)

Well anyway, I asked him whether we could meet properly In 1 1/2 week our holidays will start; he will be on holidays in 2nd and 3rd week, me in 1rst and 2nd. So after all, my biggest wish right now would be to meet him at once, the very next second. But due to his stressed week (he said so) we're not able to - for me would also be difficult to manage -.- Maybe next week, I hope so much for it ... If not I would have to wait for another month!!

Please help me out. What would you do in this situaiton.
Quite confused again ^^

tokomi

meetings, birthdays and parents seem to be a 16-year-old girl's main problem

hey again, long time no "see" ^^

Well, I didn't post because there actually isn't much to post. Though I had a quite hard time with my parents because somewhat I'm sixteen now :3 and there thought of treeting me bad -.- I don't get it anyway ... Also, I could talk to my guy very much because he has an American exchange student staying with him till Sunday morning I suppose. This week really was hard, I missed talking to him >.< and then my parents screaming at me for nearly 2 hours ...
Though it was my birthday on monday, it was a hard week! My friends are coming over at saturday to celebrate my b-day so I think I'll recover and then everything will work out fine ^^ Maybe I'll post some photos then ^^
Also, because I missed my guy somuch I think I'll phone him on Sunday: asap talking to him again ^^ Also I think I'll maybe want to meet him once again ...? You think this is a good idea? Please give a comment.

*hugging you all*
@Hikari: You were so sad the last time ... everything okay again?
@Carrie: Everything okay with your parents? Do they do anything bas to you? *coming over and practising Tang-Soo-Do with them* ^^

EDIT: I just heared about it, but the new Edition of Kamikaze Kaito Jeanne (the one with just 6 volumes) is coming to Germany, this year!!! No.1 will be relaesed in september, continuing with every next month 1 manga!! *wahoo dancing* so the series will be finished in february 2009. Here you have a link with some informations about the current SDc-mangas and KKJ-Perfect Edition realesed in Japan:
http://www.s-manga.net/author/arina_tanemura.html Enjoy. ^^

Hope to hear from you asap, miss talking to you. ^^ *hug again*

16-year-old Tokomi

posting due to illness and problems

well, hey again!

Because everybody has summer vacations nothing seems to be happening -.- Well, I had some problems with my parents, we had a very big fight again.(@Carrie: I think you know it very well ^^)
I got ill -.- You know, when my parents shout at me that way they did (e.g. "you're just a nuissance") I am always getting ill -.-, beause after all, they are my parents and them shouting at me in this way is really hurting me ... ^^
Well, think I'll phone my guy this afternoon. Except of this nothing happend. Need to recover a little beause of my parents, hope to hear from you soon.

tokomi

somewhat everything back to normal

hey, mina san

I'm again just writing a short post because I've got a little much to manage because of school projects and Tang-Soo-Do ^^ Anyway, he phoned me yesterday, and that terrible feeling disapperaed now ^^ *happy* He promised to phone me again (why does he do this all the time ^^?) Then we talked a little about that girl of which I suggested he had a crush on. After all I can't say and I'm not quite sure about this. He said he did meet her on saturday, and something about walking her home...? -.- Anyway, going that much into detail would make this post too long ^^ After all, the way he speaks about her doesn't sound like he's in love with her, at least not anymore beacuse before it really sounded like that. After all, I am really relieved ^^ (at least I think I can be ^^)

But after all, what I really and clearly recognized when he talked about that girl, was jealousy. I was clearly jealous, so after all I can really say that I love him!!! ^^ wahoo, I made my feelings clear, last but not least ^^ Well, that's all for today, nothing new happened much. ^^
Hope to hear from you soon. tokomi

new layout ^^

well, I just felt like it.

Ijust chose girls for the background who somewhat look like "Rebel angels" ^^ Well, at least I think so -.-

Hope you like it, will maybe change again one or two things.

EDIT. When I phoned him, he was still sleeping -.- Nevertheless he wanted to phone me back. And you were all right: Hearing his voice made that terrific feeling disappear *banzai* ^^ When he doesn't phone me today I'll do so tomorrow. ^^

Hope everybody's all right. tokomi

in a hurry and paniced

Konban wa, mina-san!

Hey again, I'm in a hurry, that's why it's just gonna be a short post.
You know the feeling of loosing someone? Yet I don't remember it clearly, I just woke up this morning thinking I may loose my guy even as a best friend. I don't know why but till now this feeling has even more increased and it is panicing me more and more. And I just now really don't know how to fight this.

You think phoning tomorrow would be a good solution to fight this? (Though I thought till now I need a distance... -.-)

I know it's quite confusing, but when you have any idea, even the weirdest one you ever had, please write it down and help me out.
Hoping to calm down again ... tokomi

standing still and not having any courage

waa, I am such a nuissance >< All of you may imagine this scene: me sitting in front of my table, walking around my table, glancing at my table, starring at my table -

ans on my table lying a phone.

Waaaa, I don't find the courage to phone him! And yet I don't know why >< Maybe it's because it's Thursday and I know phoning him today is bad because he's busy but ... The fact I am not finding the courage to talk to him freely and just phone him ( I just wanted to because of the test in technology tomorrow) is driving me crazy.

You know such a situation? And maybe I am exaggerating things but: Is this normal? And when? @-@ I am not understanding myself anymore ... waaaaa! *scream*
You may think when I am not able to talk to him freely - or because of blocking myself - I shall give up at him? or at least not talk to him for a while?

You may remember, I told you I maybe need a little distance, but this week I missed our conversations that much ... and now happening this!
Think I need to calm down a little more.

tokomi

not moving forward

Konban wa, mina-san! ^^

Sry for the short post but I am in a hurry so please leave LOTS of comments! ^v^

Well, after all, the same with me as with Hikari: nothing is happening -.- I just phoned him Sunday evening, think I did mention that somewhere, too. After all, he's acting quite normal, not that weird again ^^

Do you think this change has got something to do with the fact he isn't in love anymore? I noticed this change in habit quite a few times now when he had fallen in love ... and there indeed were really enough times to notice! ^^
yeah ^^ lol.

Well, that's what all my confusion is about the last days and today ^^ Hope you will help me out! ^^

EDIT. Because Carrie didn't seem to understand me (you know, my english... ><) So I will edit here what I posted to her (extract; you'll also find it in the comments^^):

yeah ^^ lol.
what I meant with my question: You may remember this thing that our relationship suddenly cooled down when he fell in love with "no.4 ^^", and he nearly didn't talt to me when he had his girlfriend. But during the short time he wasn't in love he acted (though we didn't meet up properly, so I can't tell (also don't think this) completely normal again, as if there had been no time when we weren't talking.
Maybe this has something to do with each other? You think so? This is what I wanted to know actually...

Hope I made my problem clear now... ^^
Have a nice time. tokomi

@Carrie&Hikari: about Carrie's question whether we could "communicate ^^" in another way, too .... I'm sorry to say but I've only got icq ><. When there is no chance to communicate, putting a shout-box on one's blog, maybe Hikari's or mine would be an alternative - though yet I didn't find out how to manage this with the shout-box. (hope you're not wondering but I hink I posted this also somewhere else, yet I don#t remember where ><)

wondering about the phone

Hey everybody ^^,

Okay, thanks for your comments so far, really all of you support me a lot (also my friends who sometimes read that stuff here, but don't post here^^)

@littleCleo: Why don't you wanna leave comments, too? I know you're more to check out what's going on, but feel free to leave one ^^

@ neko: Why should you be too unexperienced to give me advices? ^^ Well you see, would I have tonnes of experience in this topic I wouldn't be discussing about this topic here ... Just tell me what you think ^^ I would be relieved to hear your advice ^^

@Carrie: okay, I'll just make a comment to each number, like you did.

1. Well, is it easier to say I live one hour drive south of Dortmund...? This is maybe easier ^^ Well, we have pretty much countryside here -.- For example, I have to drive half an hour to get to Menden, where I go to school and also some of friends (including my guy) live. You got now a little more where I live? @.@

2. Yeah, of course I also hug all of my friends when I feel like it. That's also why at first I didn't thought that this stuff betweenmy guy and me seemed to be different from normal -.- Though they it somewhat seemed normal and yet not -.- *terribly confused*, we both didn't intend to change, though he did after he had another crush.
So you maybe see now, because normally that also would be normal for me, why this whole thing is so confusing for me...

3. Yeah, at first they seemed really happy (I know from that friend I have in the same class than my guy's ex-girlfriend.)In the case of love, my friend told me so, she should be the same type: Just having a glance and saying "whaa, my greatest love ever!" -.- I think that was the main reason why they got along that well together...

4. -.- yeah, this actually is confusing not only me, his whole environment is, especially since he had that type of girlfriend... ^^

5. Wow, despite my weird english you got they problem *banzai* *hugging* ^^

random question: Would you phone him in this situation, when you a little confused, yes or no?
(I think I'll do so later, because I'm used to be confused ^^)
You know, I think I don't wanna keep the distance that far I am not even able to talk to him. And on the other side, even if I'll hurt myself, I don't wanna keep a distance. Because if I did, it would nearly be as the same as the time when he had his ex...I because I don't want that, I think at least phoning him would be the better solution wouldn't it?

Because it is weekend, nothing new happened. Will keep you updated ^^
tokomi

feelings are something you cannot change

Well, today nothing really happened, but I just realized somehting very important abuot my feelings, which is also quite confusing:

Of course I love my guy that much it hurts. But what I know for sure now is that I still don't want him as a boyfriend. Maybe I just want to get back to that time... Yet I don't know why, I just realized this training Tang-Soo-Doo. ^^

Does this anbody know of you? It's just a comment beside the main discussion so...

Anyway all have a good sleep. ^^ tokomi

@carrie: my internet just deleted my VERY LONG entry, so beacuse I'm quite in a hurry you'll get your answers tomorrow morning, kay?

somewhat between a very close friendship and going out

Hey again! ^^

Today again is free. (normally we haven't got that much days free in school, but the last weeks.., we'll anyway it isn't that impüortant though I'm not able to see my guy that often what's a little annoying! ><) So because of that free day again nothing new ... I didn't hear anythign new form him and don't think he'll phone me, and I won't phone HIM. ^^ So anyway, because Hikari wanted to know more about this "getting closer"-thing, today's post will be about this topic. You know that's somewhat the whole confusing part about our realtionship. My guy, me and two very close friends who were going out (in a way) of ours often meet up together during that time, and according to them it really seemed we were also going out. But in fact, we weren't. It just happened we acted that way, also when we were alone, especially when we were alone. Of course, it wasn't about kissing - that would have been a clear sign we were going out. Our acting seemed so natually to me (I can't speak for my guy in that case, especially not after his comment yesterday...), it just developped like this. And then after a time of maybe 1 and a half month behaving like that, especially in private, he said he had falle in love again with another girl. And just this very moment I notitecd for the first time how jealous I was, I felt so bad, and of course he noticed (I told you about hsi talent to notice my feelings before telling him).

At first, I didn't identify this bad feeling as jealousy, just with the help of my friends because I also had some porblems with my parents during that time so I thought at first they were the trigger. But in fact, they weren't.
After that, our relationship cooled down a little though it was just that little it was only me who noticed at first, it was mainly because my guy was chatting with his new love of course etc. And of course, I didn't stop him. Why should I have done this? In fact, I supported him as good as I could because I wanted him to be happy. And I was too confused about my feelings for him, I tried to behave as I did before, but of ourse my guy noticed so there was no other chance but to talk this out with him, but the conversation was just about my feelings. Even then I hadn't any idea he could have been in love with me. But after yesterday, I'm not quite sure about this anymore...

The rumors at school about the two of us going out still continued, bit in fact the two of us had never mentioned to go out. In spite of that me really did behave the way he acts around the girl he gets a crush on, because I saw it one time (this was enough for me) but I also know from him describing his "meetings". Maybe he also wasn't quite sure whether he was in love with me because normally when he has a crush on a girl he crushes on her the very first momet he meets her. But with me it was different, he knew me for a longer time...

Today, and after having a girlfriend for nearly 1 and a half month (it wasn't that girl I mentioned above), a time when I nearly didn't phone him and we nearly didn't talk though we did somehow, now after breaking up with her he acts again like he did before, though I can't tell you whether he acts this close again because we weren't able to meet up properly again. I just seems to be about a close friendship again, we nearly phone each other once or twice a week.

For now, when I'm guessing right about the close friendship it's okay for me because it really hurt me very much when he didn't talk to me porperbly, though this ignoring was not only about me it was about his whole environment, I told you guys. And that's also why I'm still a little confused and don't know what to do because I don't know what he thinks about ur relationship though I guess (you know that I'm right most times ^^) with a chance of nearly 60-70% isn't about love. Anyway, I still don't know till today wether he really loved me probperly, I don't kow till today what my weird feelings for him mean: Yes, I'm somehwat jeaulous because I want to get back to the time we were ther for each other when we needed it, and could speak open and freely, but it's not that I'm the type of person who really wants a boyfriend ^^

So what do you think about this whole confusing thing?

This post it getting too long maybe the next one also will be about his feelings for me, I'm depending this on your comments about this one. Hope you have a nice time! ^^

tokomi

Life somehow seems to be a crap

You know the feeling when your heart seems to die slowy? Hope after hope falling down like leaves in automn, make your heart fall apart ... somehow.

Hey welcome back, mina-san! ^^

Hope the lines above don't sound too dramatic...>< But anyway, sometimes I'm in doubt which decision is the right one ... to stay behind my guy because he's always falling for others and somehow loose his friendship, or to "stay at his side" and to bear the pain... Because in some moments it only hurts to talk to my guy.

You know I told you about his way he falls vor every girl he just meets at a corner, I don't know... He just broke up with his girlfriend nearly 1 and a half week ago and now has fallen in love again ! Well, indeed he didn't clearly tell me, but he knows I alsways can guess right what he means - the same way he actually does with me. (I think that's why our firndship doesn't seem to break...)
What I was that shocked about wasn't the fact he had fallen in love again, I'm somehow used to this now. I know him for nearly one year now, and during that time he had been in love with ... let's see... with 7 girls including me! Yeah, that's the somehow surprising news of today... actually, I guessed fromhsi behaviour towards me again, and in generell likes to tease me about this matter. When today on our way into town (we again just meet up by chance) he teased me again, asking my why I still hadn't got a boyfriend yet , I was suddenly that surprised that I was speechless. Normally he isn't that type of person to ask that directly ... Well, after that he just mumbeld something about "back in that time when the two of us..." ! Bad I couldn't understand the rest of the part because he just changes the subject again, and nearly two minutes later drove off with his bike though I clearly knew we could have gone a longer part together...

When I thought about it, I seemd to have realized I am maybe in love with him when he told me he fall for another girl again... (Yeah you know I am in this behaviour of always realizing I'm in love just three months after falling for a guy -.-)

I don't know what to think of this. And anyway, what shocked me was of course , his reaction too, but in first line my behaviour shocked me most. Because this isn't the first time it happened that way (expect of his comment and question...) Every time he tells it me in that easy way he's in love again, it hurts so much I'm speechless, or even not able to concentrate on anything. Does this really mean I'm still this terrible in love with him?

You know, on the one hand I don't wanna miss him. I had this for nearly two months now, and I made the experience that in generell it is easier for me to have him somewhat near me ad to talk to him freely, though I have a bunch of other guy friends, it's not the case I need him because he's the only guy friend of mine. But in moments like this I really don't know what to do: Everything which seems to be right and makes me smile and laugh freely, nearly taking me into paradise, and then the very next moment everything is destroyed, and I don't know why it hurts so much because there somehow doesn't seem to be a clear reason.

I'm not arguing about the fact I'm in love with him and I'm having a very big crush on my best friend. But after all he is my best friend. What would you do next, after hearing this? Would you continue like I did up until now? Or just stay behind and "live without him" to sound a litttle dramatic? ^^

Hope you're leaving a comment very soon. that's it for today again, tomorrow is free, when everyhitng turned out right my guy will be with his new love... I somehow he will and somehow not.

All have a good sleep ^^ tokomi

the first time I met him

Hey everybody:

Within this post, the discussion about the topic in the nb-forum begins...

The first time I met my guy and best friend was on my way from school into town to my favourite paper&bookstore. We had had technology-lessons for nearly two months together then, and he also was on his way into town so we started talking.
We picked out we both do Asian Fighting Sports; he does Judo, me Tang-Soo-Do. From that time on, we talked more and more and became somekind of friends, though we were only able to talk in technology.
The finally, my friend and me exchanged email-addresses and then after some time icq-numbers, then mobile numbers. We got more and more close, and chatted nearly every evening. He helped me with my problems etc. Then another holidays came up, and we decided to meet eah other. To be more precised I went spontaneously with him after school, but I had to leave very early so we me again in holidays.

Yeah, you nearly know the rest of the story; we got VERY close then etc. I haven't heard anything new from him again but he with some friends of him today. We had technology again today, he was the same as the last days, nearly like in the old days.

@Hikari: Indeed, I did phone him yesterday... ^^ I think there is the danger I will fall for him again...You know it somehow is depending between 51-49% but I think I'll manage it. As I said he's friendship is that important to me I don't wanna loose it because of my somekind slefish feelings...What do you think about this attitude? Anything new about your guy?

That's all for now. tokomi

Welcome

Hey to everybody!

And how are you? Well, welcome at my blog, Rebel Angels', hope you like it here. From now on, I will post things here and discuss topics etc. Comments are welcome.

Well, that's all for now. Have a nice time ^^

tokomi